Lionel & Leslie 👣👣

11.9.15 & 11.12.15  
I’m ready to let out my story. On October 2,2015 I did a pregnancy test. I had a missed period and my husband told me to do a pregnancy test just to check if I was pregnant. I never expected that I would be pregnant, the pregnancy test came out positive. When I saw it I was so happy, my husband was shocked but happy at the same time that he was going to be a dad. It was the best news I received. Everything was going great. My husband and I got married, we started attending a new church since we moved to another state. We were helping out in the worship area, preaching etc. And I was pregnant, what else could I ask for. Life was almost perfect. Every night before bed I would pray for my baby, but I wouldn’t pray for 1 I would pray for 2 because in my heart I felt I had 2 babies inside me. My belly started showing really fast. Everyone in church would tell me I think you are going to have 2 babies. I thought the same thing but we didn’t know yet. Even being pregnant I helped out in church, my hunger for God is big. Just because I was pregnant didn’t mean I was going to stop praising my creator. My husband and I kept helping around in church. We had not told our parents yet. We wanted to surprise them when we went to visit. When we finally went, on our way to our parents house I felt a baby move inside me, i cried because it was the most beautiful thing I have experienced, when we got there we did surprise them. They were all happy. We came back to our house and finally had our appointment. The doctor told us that they were twins! We both were happy, God had send us double blessing but he had told us one baby was 6wks and the other one was 8wks. He did warn us that maybe one could not make it. That sometimes that happens when the mother has twins. I had told him I had a little pain. He said that Was normal since I had twins growing inside me. I went home called our parents and they were as excited as we were. I was putting my trust in God that both babies would make it. I begged for mercy so he could let me keep both. I had an appointment in two weeks. But I didn’t make it to my next appointment. Days after I had gotten my ultrasound done on a Saturday night I went to the bathroom because I felt like if I had peed on myself. I didn’t see anything on my underwear but when I cleaned myself I had blood. I got scared and went running to my husband, I told him crying, “I don’t want to loose my babies, pray for me.” He prayed for me and told me he was going to take me to the hospital. I told him not to, if I felt bad I would tell him so he could take me. So I went to bed & on Sunday morning I woke up with so much pain. I didn’t go to church, I wasn’t bleeding anymore that was a relief for me. I was suppose to preach that night to the youth. I had everything ready. I was going to preach about faith. But I didn’t get to. When I got up to go get a cup of water I started having pain again and went to the restroom to check myself I was bleeding again, I told my husband to take me to the hospital. We got to the hospital and they took me in. They checked me and I was still trusting and having faith in God that my two babies were going to be ok. I would tell my husband, everything is going to be ok, our babies are going to be fine. Finally they did a lot of test and another ultrasound. They told me I had lost both of my babies 2 weeks ago. One of them was 6wks still and the second baby was 10 wks I said that can’t be possible. A week ago the bigger one was 9 weeks. I cried! I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. My husband and I were devastated. They let me go from the hospital that same night. I came home and called my mom I told her what was going on. After talking to her my husband hugged me while I kept crying. I asked God why! Why! There is a lot of women out there that kill their babies, why me that I wanted my babies. Why! Is what I kept asking him. I wanted an answer. I finally went to sleep. And in the morning I was alone because my husband had to go to work I told him there was no need for him to take off from work I was going to be fine. But I lied, I kept crying and I remembered what my preaching was about. I said I will have faith that my babies are going to be fine. I know God is a God of miracles and he can do a miracle in me like he has done before. That morning I had to go with my doctor to keep up with them. The pastors wife went with me. While I was getting ready I was thinking maybe I’m being selfish. And I prayed and asked God to atleast let me stay with one of my kids. Even though my heart desired both to be with me. I went with a positive attitude to the doctor. He told me one of the babies could probably make it but not to put my hopes up. I smiled, I thanked God and kept trusting in him for my miracle. I left home, once I got home I had to rush to the bathroom. I had an urge to go. I was there and once I got up I saw my sweet baby right there. I saw him, he was formed already, he has his little fingers and arms. It hurt me so much to see him. I was by myself, so I called my mom and my husband called me once I told him what happen. I felt like I was never going to get trough this. For the next two days I really didn’t want to eat. But I would eat, I had to be strong for my second baby. Then it was a Wednesday night time for church. My husband did not want me to go because I looked terrible. I told him I wanted to go, I felt like something was calling my spirit to go to church. I convinced him and we went. I was there through the whole service. My church family prayed for us, and God had an answer for me. I felt peace in my heart. Finally we went home. I still was trusting God my second baby would be fine. I said I was going to trust him until the last minute. I went to bed fell asleep. But around midnight I woke up with so much pain. My husband took me again to the hospital, but 45mins from where we live to just find out they didn’t have a gynecologist and they couldn’t do anything. We had to drive back and go to the hospital in our town. When we finally got there, and put a ivy on me I got hurt so much. But that pain was nothing to the one compared in my heart. I was there for a couple of hours.  And I had to go to the restroom again. They let me go and I my second baby left to heaven. I didn’t want to see. They took me back to my bed. And I teard up. And I told my husband I was being selfish because maybe they were going to suffer here. I didn’t want to imagen them being connected to some machine in the hospital. I knew my babies are in heaven. And I keep being strong for my husband and him for me. But for a moment the devil almost had me. He put in my mind that I had nothing. He almost convinced me but I reacted and said to him yes I still have God by my side and my wonderful husband. In that moment I felt like Job from the bible. I know God has something big coming my way. My biggest blessing out of all this is that my babies are in heaven waiting for us. God has given us the strength to ge through all this. To all the women out there who have had a loss I want to let you know that you are not alone. We have a God that can take your pain away.  The scar is always going to be there, but that is just proof of what you went through. But the pain will be gone. I can honestly say I have peace in my heart. I know my angels are in heaven. I miss them so much but one day we will reunite with them.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

If you’re going through a miscarriage or a loss just look for Jesus, he is waiting for you with his arms open ready to heal your heart. Don’t be a target for the devil. He is just waiting for an opportunity to take advantage. Don’t fall in depression, instead fall for the Lord.  

I want to thank everyone that helped me and was there for me through this process. My husband, my pastors, my parents and my church family.